Bearing witness | الشاهد

(To Jaser) | (إلى جاسر)

By Saad Halawani

Yet you stand alone
In all of this darkness
You hold your heavy heart in your hands
The hands that have done the unbearable
Covered in blood and mud
Yet you don’t want to wash them
They hold the remnants of what is dear to your
heart
The memory of laughter
The memory of smiles
The memory of stories shared
And histories made
Yet you don’t want to wash them
They carry the essence of your loved ones
Whose spirits are bidding you farewell
Gone but not forgotten they hope
Your eyes remember your first love
Your children’s first cry
First hug, first tooth, first steps, first everything
Yet all falls silent
For you can’t unsee what was done to them
You bid them farewell, yet no one told them
You stand alone

تقف وحيدا
في وسط كل هذا الظلام
وتحمل قلبك الثقيل بين يديك
تلك اليدان اللتان تحملان ما لا يطاق
مجبولتان بالدم والتراب
لا تريد أن تغسلهما
ففيهما بقايا الأعزاء على قلبك
فيهما ذكرى الضحكات
وذكرى الابتسامات
وذكرى قصص رويت
وتواريخ سطرت
وانت لا
تريد أن تغسلهما بعد
ففيهما أصول من أحبائك
وقد ودَعَتْك أرواحهم:
أمَلُنا ان نكون قد ذهبنا، وعسى ألا نكون نُسينا
عيناك تتذكران حبك الأول
وصرخة طفلك الأولى
العناق الأول، والسن الأولى، والخطوة الأولى،
الذكرى الأولى لكل شيء
ولكن الصمت يعم الآن
لا تستطيع أن ت
نفض ما رأت عيناك
ولا ما صنعت يداك
تودعهم، وأودعتهم. لكن لم يخبرهم أحد عن
الفراق
تقف وحيدا

This text is part of the anthology Reflections on US! compiled by researchers at Coventry University, The full volume can be found here.

Saad Halawani is currently researching leadership on environmental issues in the Occupied Palestinian Territories at the Centre for Trust, Peace and Social Relations at Coventry University. Saad has a 27-year career as a complex programmes manager with a demonstrated history of working on developmental themes with a focus on youth, women and marginalised communities. He is skilled in non-profit organisations, intercultural communication and dialogue, program evaluation, and international relations, especially in the Palestinian context and the wider MENA region. Saad has a strong understanding of conflict theory and its impact on society and youth. He has demonstrated experience in managing multi-million dollar programmes in conflict situations.